Saturday, July 8, 2017

Yesterday I almost had a long crying session! While I'm doing really well mentally and emotionally this time around post baby I still have hard days. I have a lot of help, which I am so grateful for, but sometimes when I sit and think about it I get overwhelmed thinking that I now have three little people depending on me. To love them, teach them and take care of them. When I do have these moments I feel like throwing up! Somehow throwing up seems as though it would alleviate the pressure I feel. I've never actually thrown up because of it, but I have that thought every time I'm overwhelmed!

Yesterday I had an emotional break, I decided it would be best to stay back while the rest of the family went to Thomas and Laura's cabin for pizza. I had just been at my parents house with my mom and trying to keep Sammy from touching things he wasn't supposed to and Charlie happy did me in. As I was driving back to my in laws house tears pricked at my eyes thinking about watching an 19 month old at a cabin AND a newborn. I knew that plenty of people would have helped but I didn't want to burden everyone. Holding back tears I called Linda and told her that Sammy, Charlie and I wouldn't be coming to the cabin.

I was parked in front of a beautiful house, seriously it was gorgeous. It was a new build and no one was living in it. I thought it would be the perfect place to have a cry. I tried telling Linda I wasn't coming, but she wasn't having it. She tried to convince me to come saying that everyone was there to help. Thank you Linda. I needed that boost.

I had spoken to Wyatt earlier on the phone and he said that he definitely wouldn't go. He admonished me not to go, that it would be stressful. So I had decided to take his advice, but when I was driving back I thought "Well, Wyatt wouldn't have driven to Boston in the middle of the night either!" (or explored Boston ALL DAY, or track down Benedict throughout the city or spend his birthday in New York with baby on his own with his friends) (you get the idea!). This is me, I'm adventurous, I don't mind struggling with babies somewhere new and exciting (within reason)!

Somewhere along the Menieres Disease and second baby I lost a sense of who I am. I lost my sense of adventure and became afraid of the world. Always afraid to venture out of my house for fear of a migraine. Well no more! I want to be a fun adventurous mom, like Becky! I feel like if I wait around to have fun until my babies are grown I might resent them a little, don't you think?  So from here on out I'm going to take adventures and opportunities when they arise! Do my best with my three boys.

Thank you Linda, for helping convince me to go to the cabin. I am so happy I went and I did receive a lot of help. It took a village :)

xo

Cindy

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