Tuesday, July 4, 2017

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY












She was standing like this candidly!!! She wasn't posing! 

God bless America. I am so grateful for those who have laid down their lives so that my babies and I could have a wonderful life in the land we love.  We celebrated fourth of July twice, once with the Anthony's and once with the Almaraz's. As would be expected, we had a blast!

One my way back from my parents house I took a small detour and drove past my old stomping grounds. I always do when I visit UT. I want so desperately for my kids to play on the playground across the street from the Orem Rec Center. Where I used to play. I want to take a walk around the walk way there. I want them to go swimming at the rec center with me. I want them to walk home form "school" with me. A home which isn't my families anymore, sad. Coming back to Utah always brings on the nostalgia, but tonight in particular was special.

As I was driving around there were fireworks going off, it was magical. Danny and Sammy squealed whenever they spotted the colorful explosions. Everytime we saw what we thought was "The best ones" I debated stopping and admiring the view, but ultimately kept driving. I got to my old neighborhood and remembered that the Gallegars always had the best firework show, the best. I didn't think they'd mind if I showed up with my crew. However the road was blocked, construction and a plethora of cars. The literal way to my old neighborhood was shut. It was almost symbolic to me "Stop, there is no going backwards, you must continue forward". So I drove back to my in laws house. Again, seeing fireworks left and right. Danny begged to stop but I thought it best to get to our final destination, where we were supposed to be. It wasn't easy, we saw some pretty amazing ones. Finally we made it and I quickly got everyone out of the car and shuffled my little people to the backyard where I could sit and nurse Charlie without worrying about someone running off to the road.

We never expected our own private showing of Lindon's finest firework show. My in laws have a clearing of trees in their backyard and someone, somewhere, was lighting fireworks so that they were positioned perfectly in that clearing. We sat on the porch and watched them. Danny sat to my left and Sammy to my right. Their little faces, I wish I could have taken a picture. Sammy was so excited he looked at me with an excited smile when he saw one go off as if to say "did you see that ma?!". It was bliss. A spellbinding moment that I would never relive. I tried my best to soak it all in, knowing someday I'd miss seeing their cute baby faces, once they had been replaced by adolescent or adult faces. My babies, I love them.

As I sat watching the fireworks I realized that life had taught me an important lesson. I am right where I need to be.

I struggle to find self worth and purpose after I've had a baby. It hasn't consumed me this time around, but still it lingers on the outskirts of my mind. The doubts that I chose the right road to take, the feelings of failure at living the "best life" and settling for the mundanity of everyday living with babies.

Our firework experience was best enjoyed when we were where we were meant to be. Not trying to live someone else's magic moment. Life had a better one waiting for us, where we wouldn't have to crane our neck to see or take a detour from our course.

Here's to enjoying our own magic moments in life,

xo,

Cindy

PS Tragically both Sammy and Danny's cute 4th of July shirts are stained beyond repair :( breaks my heart. I seriously loved those shirts... glad I got a good picture of them wearing them!

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