Sunday, February 8, 2015

Running up the stairs because you feel an evil spirit chasing after you

Well you may or may not be surprised to find out that we made it through November, December and January. I can say with all the honesty I have that this has been the worst three months of my life and I would never want to repeat it. I have been dragged through misery forest and beat with the hell stick. I am very VERY ready for this to be done. 100% done! So i'll give you the long version of what happened so I can look back and remember just what we went through.

September 29 I woke up and my left ear was stuffed up. It stayed like that for a week before I finally decided to visit the doctor. She thought it was an ear infection and prescribed anti biotics. My ear got better but two weeks later it came back, so again i went to the doctor and she gave more antibiotics. once again, it went away for a week but came back in the next two weeks. At this point I figured I should go to someone else. I tried to get in to see a specialist but none would accept my insurance. So i just went to a different doctor and she said she could honestly see nothing bad with my ear but gave me augmenting just in case. Whatever, it went away but came back in two weeks. I went to the urgent care and saw a different physician who said that there was nothing wrong with my ears and that I needed to see a specialist. He said that it might be permanent. The secretary there told me that I should go to the ER, she said that they would probably have specialists there who would have to treat me. So I went to the ER and waited there forever and didn't even get helped, they told me that there was nothing wrong with my ear, they gave me augmentin and told me to see an ENT. which i couldn't get into see because of my insurance.... So a couple days later I sold my soul and I finally got in to see a specialist. He was super cranky and thought I was making my condition up. He told me to come back when my ears were doing poorly. three days later they were doing poorly and I moved heaven and earth to see the man. He had tested my hearing when my ears were fine and he tested my left ear when my ears were coin poor. There was some significant nearing loss... It was terrifying taking that test to be honest. I actually pretended not to here some of the lower notes so he'd take me seriously but there was a gap of 20 seconds when I didn't hear anything and I panicked. He told me it could be Menieres disease but that he would need a test to be sure. I left being so happy that I was finally being taken seriously. But guess what? I needed an ECOG test and my insurance wouldn't cover it.... but they wouldn't let me pay out of pocket either, the hospital wouldn't budge about that because they would get audited... thanks obamacare. So lo and behold I was back at square one. Muffled hearing, sometimes ringing and stuffy ears. I was pretty low. Then one day when we were coming back from a friends house I lost my balance going up the stairs and I had an all out panic attack. I decided to take the steroids that the urgent care doctor had prescribed just whatever you know. I woke up monday and I felt so happy and normal. It was the most normal that I have ever felt! I was so happy!! I made Tamales and I started my steroids. I can't tell you what I felt that night, but Danny was up till nearly midnight and I was more than happy to stay up with him and read him books. some deep sadness set in that night, I could tell that my battle wasn't over. I could tell that something was coming, it was going to get worse before it got better. So I held Danny close to me and cried knowing that for the next who knows who long I wouldn't be able to love him the same. Sure enough the next day came and I had the stuffiest ears and roaring in my ears and it lasted days. This happened to be christmas eve and christmas. I had just about lost hope but continued on with the steroid treatment. Slowly my ears stopped roaring. But I never stopped feeling awful, I hated the steroids and it was the longest 10days of my life. I started feeling slightly better, still fatigued, and sick. Then Monday hit and I could tell something was off but couldn't put my finger on what it was. Tuesday came and my balance was WAY off. Neighbors helped me (literally) get to Urgent care and the doctor told me it was labrythitis. I didn't quite believe him because he hadn't taken any tests and how would he know? Whatever. I tried his medications and they only made things worse. Meanwhile my in laws came to visit and they were such a big help with Danny. Poor dear had been so neglected by me. All we did was watch TV all day because that's all I felt well enough to do. I continued to feel awful. Finally my friend Kami told her husband Elliot what I was going through and he hunted down a specialist online and emailed him and asked him a personal favor to accept me as a patient. You see Elliot is a radiologist at Yale and he used that to ask a personal favor. This was the best present anyone could give me! Literally he was my salvation! I went to see a specialist called Dr. Navaratnam and he tried a few things on me and test a few things, lots of balance tests. I then had my hearing test and my hearing was AWESOME! Yahoo! So I scheduled a VNG and an MRI, and I got an appointment to see Dr. Michaelides who was sorta the big name around for hearing and balance. Elliot being awesome was able to schedule me in for an MRI sooner than what I had been scheduled. So I had my MRI and it was the weirdest experience. You had to lie COMPLETELY STILL for 45 minutes with an IV! So yeah it was less than pleasant. I worried myself away that day wondering what I had wrong. Elliot being amazing read them for me that day along with one of his coworkers and he said everything was clear! HOORAY! We actually went to Disney on ice that night and it felt soo good to sit there and watch it with Danny and Wyatt knowing that my MRI was clear! I then had my VNG and to say it was a bizarre test is mild... it was crazy. You can ask me about that later... But my VNG was awesome.  January 30 finally rolled around and I finally got to see the Doctor to get a diagnosis. Wyatt wasn't able to come with me because we woke up late. But The doctor was only in the room with me for all of three minutes. He gave me pamphlet on migraines and told me I was suffering from Migraines. He told me it was not Menieres disease, it was not vestibular neuritis or labrynthits. He told me to control my stress and get more sleep. Stay hydrated and avoid certain foods.  So istarted doing these things. still not sure if I believe that's what I have but everything else was ruled out so. whatever. I still have these awful episodes but you will think it's crazy but they are actually headaches too. It's absolutely miserable. So this brings us to now. btw I didn't mention in this story that I had no car!!! Danny and i were stuck inside and it was long boring and miserable. Whenver I needed to get to doctors appointments I literally had to move heaven and earth.

I can happily say that I have more good days than bad. but the bad days are still around. even my eyes are weird... it's like they don't focus right or something strange like that. I thought things would get better but then we got the news that Baylor had gotten themselves into a hiring freeze and would no longer be able to offer Wyatt the job they had originally given him. Needless to say that was stressful. So friday Saturday and sunday I have been plauged with an AWFUL migraine. Saturday we were supposed to go to the temple but Wyatt and I just could not agree on going or not, we fought and yelled, and I cried saying we had to go! But i realized It wouldn't be fair to me him or anyone else if I dragged us to the temple with the attitudes we had. So I gave up as we were getting ready, I cried and said we didn't have to go. I went downstairs and laid on the couch and cried. After an hour I decided to get up and go to breakfast to cheer myself up. as I was walking out the door I thought about how unfair it was to leave Wyatt and Danny. So I turned around and went upstairs. Wyatt was sitting on the bed and he looked miserable. I knew the look on his face, defeat. He was legitimately sad over upsetting me. So I suggested we go to breakfast together, which he thought was a fantastic idea. WE waited for danny to wake up (that's a first) and we went. Danny was kind of restless but you know, that's how he is. We took him to Monkey Joes and Wyatt played with him. He got his wiggles out and then we went home and sat inside all day. napping and laying on the couch and watching shows. i got the worst WORST migraine. I was nauseated my head hurt and i couldn't sleep. it was awful. Sunday we made it to church which I was happy about because it had been a solid seven weeks since we had gone and made it on time for sacrament and stayed for three hours. Wyatt had to go to work so I had to find a ride back home but it turned out not be a huge deal.

I think I speak for Wyatt when I say that the last two months have really defeated us. We have both cried, and been frustrated so much. We have leaning on each other for strength but we are pretty low! Its been nice to have each other to share in sadness. But it's been sad. We lay around and sleep all the time because not only is it winter but there is nothing to do! WE are low and we feel sad so we just sit around. Our house is a constant mess! I wish I felt better so I could keep it clean! goodness sakes!

Not all is bad, I have learned lessons from the Lord through all of this. I have learned compassion, faith and sisterhood. I have whitnessed the power of prayer. I have seen what a blessing it is to RECEIVE help from the relief society and not just give it. I have cried over the gratitude I feel over people calling me, offering to take care of danny and simply saying they are praying for me.

So there it is. My sad tale, no our sad tale. Hopefully good times are coming ahead because we as a family have been brought low.

xoxo

Cindy


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