Monday, February 23, 2015

Don Corleone

So what's the difference between being happy with what you have and settling? I've been thinking about that lately, honestly, I think the difference is all in the person. Someone would see it as settling others would see it as appreciating what they have. Wyatt are in an exciting part in our life but it's also a little difficult. We are looking at apartments and cars. Which, you think would be all fun and games, in reality is not. I thin I've suspected I would have a hard time with cars/homes for a long while. Because frankly, I can't have it all. There I said it. I have loved my apartment, a lot. But I think part of the reason I love it so much is because I simply can't afford anything better. We aren't making any money. Truthfully there aren't that nice of apartments in CT anyways. But thinking that I'm moving on to "bigger" and "better" things. Makes me want nice things. Granite counter tops, hardwood floors, garbage disposal, nice carpet. You know my likes, they aint cheap. But because we have a surprisingly limited budget some of these likes will not be satisfied.

On the car front. I'm not sure I'm emotionally ready to buy a car, like don't you have to be an adult to purchase one of those things? I'm not an adult, am I? I guess I don't feel like it because I'm not working? I mean I have a child (and possibly another one on the way) but I'm not an adult...? It's such a final decision too. You pick this car and you're stuck with it for the next 10-15 years (at least). Part of me wanted to wait so i could save up and buy the one that I absolutely wanted (not a Range Rover obviously) but at least something that I realistically have wanted for a while. We were deciding between a CRV and a Rav4 and we kind of settled on a  CRV (tentatively). Which seemed fine at the moment but now I'm not so sure! I was looking at them today while driving around Hamden ad theres something a bit ugly about them. Not sure what, but idk something looks a little silly with them. So then I thought a Rav4 sport, which is more the look I was hoping for. But Wyatt said they don't get good gas milage. So throw that one out. I really like the look of the Highlander too, but he said no to that one either. So this left me with a CRV and 2012 to be exact. So In reality, all I get to pick is the color of the car that has appointed me. This was a little let down, because I had always set myself up for saving up and buying myself for what I truly wanted. But like, we need a car, sharing a car just won't work. I'm surprised we've made it this far with just one car (which it's really wyatt's car, but he's never made me feel like it's not mine too) So here we have it a CRV.  Is this settling or being happy at what I will have? Interesting question eh?

As far as the apartment it will come down to smaller space with nicer things or bigger space with not so nice things. As for me myself I think i'd rather have smaller space but nicer things than bigger and not nice things. I also like the comfort an apartment complex brings. Especially in Arizona when we'll need a pool. I was so jelly of Maria, Talisha and Hilary. Them with their nice pool in CT. I can't say that their apartments were much better than mine. I think my apartment is awesome I don't like anyone else's houses or anything. I don't covet them. So now that we're going somewhere where there will be things to covet, I'm more demanding, knowing that I can possibly have better. So I'm opting for a smaller space but nicer things. Naomi Davis lives in a two bedroom apartment in NY and she somehow manages. I think we can manage having just two rooms for a while. Tandem Nursery would be tricky, but I think it can be done. Anyways, one of those two kids is going to end up in our bed anyway. really though. We can make it two or three years in a two bedroom then pick a house. Which is another animal in of itself! I want all the nice things! I want all those things. Granite counter tops, nice carpet and paint. I want it, I WANT IT ALL!!!!! I don't wanna live in a house I don't really like and then "update it" I want a cookie cutter house, new and nice.

So I think I just decided not to care. Just shrug my shoulders at it (remind you of anything?! The little reed the bent in the wind stood straight up once the wind stopped. Something like that). I mean does it REALLY matter if I have a range rover or a CRV? Well yes it does. But that's the thing I can either decide not to care about it or not. I think it's like a little switch in my mind.

Wyatt deserves to be with someone who won't be yearning for more all the time. I can choose to be satisfied and  happy about whatever car we get. I won't worry about it too much. The apartment, I think i'll insist on smaller space but nicer space but if that's not ultimately what we get I don't think I'll make a stink over it. Frankly, I'm just happy we're healthy and happy together. What more could I ask for? I love Wyatt and have grown to love him more, he knows me so well. I doubt he'd pick anything I wouldn't actually like. Well, he did pick this apartment...which I LOVE! So yes, I think I can trust him to give me what I like. Thank heavens for that. So I've decided not to worry about that.  One thing I've been thinking about lately is Wyatt himself.

My funny valentine indeed. I don't get him. I really don't! You'd think I'd understand him after almost six years of marriage and while I do understand him and can predict his likes and dislikes I feel like I learn something new about him everyday. He doesn't fit into any molds, he isn't a cookie cutter husband. My book about "the proper care and feeding of husbands" I swear never applied to him! I never cease to be baffled by him! I think it boils down to a clean house and food being the secret to his happiness. Not so much getting dolled up or paying compliment. Definitely the clean house area. Too bad I've been super lazy and not motivated. Maybe I am pregnant cuz I'm tired and unmotivated. Could it be that the two things that make him the happiest I'm just not willing to do?! Well, I like a clean house too. I kept a really clean house when he was gone. So I'm not sure what the deal is?

In other news we bought that Frank Sinatra Album I wanted.  I'm not sure what to make of that. I mean I love the album and am obsessed with the song "my funny valentine" but I think I needed to pine for it a little more. I grew up with If I wanted something I would hope and dream about it for a while then finally get it. I mean I prefer this infinitely more. Believe it or not I find myself wanting less things. But I wasn't emotionally ready to buy the frank sinatra album. I wasn't dressed right and didn't look nice. idk why ok! But I'm glad I have it though. I think I'd listen to my funny valentine every morning if I could. Which I guess I can now!

Well that's all today. It's a lot I know. Sorry


PS Post title brought to you by the God Father, which I think is a fantastic movie.Here's the clip from The Godfather that kind of rocked my world. It was an incredible part and I loved it. You have good taste Martin Freeman and Jimmer Fredette !

No comments:

Post a Comment