Tuesday, December 28, 2010


Okay, so not my best picture, I know it has been FOREVER since I last posted so I am just going to post some updates on what's been going down. I guess I'll break out the good news and saying that Wyatt is back and it looks like he's here to stay!

Irritatingly my other struggles have picked back up.I have to say that this has been one of the hardest trials I've faced because unbelief isn't something that you can go to the store and get medicine for, it isn't something you can fix with a cast or with some flowers, it really requires a lot. But last night {a particularly hard night} I prayed pretty hard that I would get help, even though I felt at the moment that I didn't really deserve it, and I feel like in response I got the answer " Be patient and let me show you how much I love you". If you have seen inception this really reminds me of when Cobb talked about taking a leap of faith, and believe me this is a HUGE leap. I figure that the adversary is working so hard against me because 1. I'm a woman, people say that if you bring down a woman you bring down an entire generation {or something to that affect} 2. My great grandma worked REALLY hard to get the church into her family and I come from that line, a line in which the church is kind of on thin ice. 3. Grandma Anthony also worked REALLY hard to keep the church strong in her family line and it would be a shame if it ended with my branch of the family tree. I was once told in a blessing that the Lord thinks I'm pretty important because he really needs the church to grow into my family line. I suppose that would explain the trial I have been battling for quite some time now. But even when I am battling this it's really hard for me to forget the feelings of anguish I felt the first time I went through the temple, and it's REALLY hard for me to forget the feelings of peace when I needed it most { see a couple of posts before this} or the stories I've heard of when Christ/God REALLY come through for women around me. Like that pregnant girl who's prayers were answered and pretty important as well the lady I gave flowers. If he didn't care about me or any other woman, would he have bothered? I guess my thing now is how scary he sounds in the scriptures towards women, especially the bible. He sounds like he can't stand them. Except for Mary, and a few other women. The bible itself sounds unkind towards women in general. But the Latter-day prophets are SO kind to women. I keep thinking it has something to do with the time and the world we live in, women were very much NOT liberated when the bible was written, while women now are more appreciated. I wonder how much of the mean stuff came from God and how much came from just natural men. The Latter day prophets say such amazing things about their wives, like elder Scott, he talked about how much he adored his wife and how much men ought to respect and adore their wives, not even stand in line in front of them! Look at the way these two were so happy. I love President Hinckley, He was so kind, and he loved his wife so much. when she died he was devastated. Because of the way "Righteous Priesthood Holders" treat their wives It makes me second guess my unbelief. Like my father in law,  LOVES his wife. He bought her a new car, new clothes, new watch, new critcut, new carpet, a new copper pot, and the list just keeps going on. So it kind of puts a damper on my unbelief. maybe back in the day when Hagar and Abraham around courting just wasn't as "in" I'm sure the world has to have some type of influence in how you live the gospel. One thing is certain though, in a time where probably lots of men abused their wives the church {the prophet} counseled women to be obedient to their husbands {probably nothing new to them} but he also commanded that men should love their wives like their own flesh, and nourish it and care for it, and LEAVE his mother and his father and CLEAVE unto his wife. Something that even to this day is EXTREEMELY rare in the middle eastern cultures. the church has also never said it okay for a man to hit his wife, ever. The world has kind of gone back and forth on that one.

Anyways, getting off my soap box here. Wyatt {yesterday} talked about how much he thought women were similar to Christ, because they give birth and put themselves in a position of death when they do it. I couldn't help but read an article I had read in a book of mine called "my home as a temple" and it talked about how most everything that women do in their home everyday is like what Christ did. Christ didn't go around taking power, hardly, he fed people, clothed the needy, visited people, cleaned their feet. All that a woman does in her home, that made me think differently about the way that I see my role. I also remember my old bishop {Ivan Beautler} very nice man. He talked about how he struggled learning his role as "Provider, presider and protecter" after he got ready but his wife "Lucy" made everything good and right for him. She would keep him updated on what was going on in their kids lives and how he could get involved in help, she gave him honor in their home so that his kids would love and respect him too. He said that he owed his kids love and everything to his lovely wife. I also remember when I went to go get my temple recommend from my little branch that my parents were attending the stake president was really serious and he got down to business and looked at wyatt and said "You are the presider of this family so man up, you take care of her. Never, NEVER raise your voice to her and treat her with the proper respect she earned as God's most sacred creation." and he looked at me and said "you are God's most perfect creation after Eve, He saved the best for last, you are his pride and joy and soon you will be the pride and joy to this fellow over here, act like what you were created to be, a beautiful daughter of God." So all these things make my unbelief hard to grow. Anyways. I'll have to blog about all the fun things that Wyatt and I have done these past weeks!

xoxo,


Chini

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