Wednesday, August 1, 2018

I've gone identity mad!

Take a seat son, I'm about to drop some wisdom on you.

Back when I was in high school there was a group of girls that I wanted desperately to be friends with. Yeah they were "friendly" with everyone but they weren't up for solidifying new friendships. They kept to themselves and hanging out with just one of them was never an option. They were a package deal and did little to hide all the amazing fun they were having without the rest of us losers. We, the outsiders, could only hope that one day we would be invited to be one of them!

Finally the clouds parted and the angels descended upon me. Theyinvited me to go shopping with them. I was over the moon, I had been chosen!

The day came and I excitedly ran out of my house hoping my parents wouldn't step foot outside and embarrass me. I quickly jumped into the car and was brimming with conformity. They were fabulous, and a warm sense of accomplishment washed over me, biggest accomplishment thus far hands down. The driver looked around excitedly and put a CD into the CD player (so cool).

A song came on that I had never heard and the girls around me erupted in squeals of "YES!". This would now be my new favorite song, obviously. I liked sound of it and didn't know exactly what the lyrics said only that it repeated the name Grace Kelly. I vividly remember this experience and the accompanying "I can't believe this is happening!" feeling that came with it.

My day out shopping with them turned out to be rather disappointing, as I did not understand their inside jokes or share in a lot of their interests. Often I listened in awkward silence just grateful to be apart of it and hoping no one would sense me as the intruder I was.

Disappointment led to sadness when I had spent all my money and the girls I was with kept going and going and going. They were like bottomless pits of money.  I couldn't keep up this ruse for long, it was either buy another top at Hollister or skip lunch. Much like the earlier experience, this realization is a vivd memory.

I was never invited on an outing with them again, and that was ok, mostly. Going out with them that day made me realize how out of place I was with them and how I could never  truly belong.

 Fast forward to now years old and I still really love that song. Both because it's an amazing and because it reminds me of a time where I felt like I belonged.  However, today as I singing along to it the irony of it slowly set in...
Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my queasy smile?
Am I too dirty?
Am I too flirty?
Do I like what you like?

I could be wholesome
I could be loathsome
I guess I'm a little bit shy
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me without making me try?

I try to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie
I've gone identity mad!

All these years I had associated this song with a feeling of belonging when the lyrics were the exact opposite. Wow. The song speaks to an unnamed individual who refuses to accept the artist the way he is. He offers to amend whatever necessary to gain approval only to realize that nothing he does will make the other person accept him. Having had this realization he accepts that he can't help what the person thinks of him and how this lack of control brought him to the brink. To finish he realizes that the unnamed person is a victim of their own elitism in that they are told what to think and invites them to "walk out the door".

Who knew the universe was trying to school me that day I excitedly sat in the car with the "cool" girls?!

Listen, not everyone is going to like you. People will form their own opinions about you and it's not you, it's them. Jen Sincero compares it to peoples reactions after a movie, some people hated it, some people loved it. The movie, was just a movie.

 You don't have to change yourself to make friends. You don't have to try. True friendship is an organic process and good people will be drawn to you. You will make connections and friendships by being yourself. Those with similar interests and humor will come to you, those that are loyal are your friends.  I am still trying to learn this lesson for myself at the ripe old age of 28. High school ends but the social hierarchy never will. It never will. Which is why you need to stop giving a F about it! Let it go, be free of its oppressive nature.

"Until you conquer the fear of being an outsider, an outsider you will remain." 
-CS LEWIS





PS. When he says tried a little Freddie he means Freddie Mercury from the band Queen. Who was also not initially accepted for being himself, but  became a legend because of it.

Monday, July 23, 2018

Well! There he goes. We dropped him off at Kindergarten today and he wasn't the least bit sad! 

Sammy broke our baby gate this morning. I nearly fell tripping over the swinging door.  I kind of crashed into it. I had no idea it was broken in the first place.

Our walk back to the car was a little weird! Sammy was so concerned about leaving Danny at the school! 

Wyatt and I got him that Spiderman watch as a special surprise. He loves all things Spiderman right now and it's so cute. 

Analise in our Sunday School class is a hit with Sammy and Charlie! It's adorable. 

Also side note, Charlie took his first steps two Fridays ago. OK well maybe just one step. but it was a confident step!

Sunday, July 22, 2018

Kindergarten- an expected journey!

It's the end of an era.  Daniel is headed to kindergarten tomorrow and I'm already crying my eyes out. I'm going to miss him so much it.

I can't believe his time at home with me is as at an end. Once he leaves he'll never really be back. Sure there is summer, and holiday breaks but already a small portion of his childhood is slipping through my fingers. 

He's going to an amazing school and I actually heard wonderful things about his teacher just today. He has a few friends in his class. I am grateful to the Lord for the small tender mercies he's shown me and Danny as I release him into the world. I wish we could spend everyday flying kites and playing mouse trap. But Alas, he's on to the next chapter in his life. 

The past year I have dedicated the time when Sammy and Charlie are both napping to Danny. We've played board games, eaten popsicles, laughed and built legos together for the last year. We started off our "quiet time" around this time last year playing games like Mouse Trap, Candy land, and my personal favorite Candy Land 3000 (a creation of Danny's own).  On Friday we played Blokus and he was really good at it! I hired a babysitter a few times this last week so that Danny and I could go out together and get ice cream while Sammy and Charlie were napping. Danny was so excited to go with just me. I don't think anyones ever been as excited to hang out me as much as Danny has. My friend, my companion for the last 5.5 years. 

We have had so many adventures together and we had so much time to ourselves before little brothers came on the scene. I am excited for him because Kindergarten is so fun.  It is definitely a biter sweet moment.  

I made a small video for Danny capturing some of the highlights of his "stay-at-home" phase in life. We've done so much together! I'd like to leave a few words for Danny before you watch this. 

Danny,

I love you to the moon and back. Thank you for being you. You are caring, bright, patient and I'm so lucky to be your mom. Everybody at school is going to love you because you are so kind, thoughtful and generous. I'm so grateful that Wyatt made it possible for me to stay home with you, what a privilege! I know I wasn't always a perfect mom but I was always grateful to be home with you. You're future is bright and we love you very much. To end I'll leave you with these parting words...

You are braver than you believe
Stronger than you seem
and
Smarter than you think 

xo,

Mom




picked out his clothes for kindergarten today!

Went to find his "perfect" backpack let them play in the splash pad and bought them candy

Danny's "yes-yes" day! I told him we could do whatever he wanted on Friday (to mark the end of him being a stay at home-r)



Peter Piper Pizza for the win! Great choice Danny, it was fun.

Meet the teacher night

Meet the teacher night

Our Costco Ice Cream/Churro date!

Our Coldstone Date! Danny got cotton candy flavored ice cream :)



Thursday, June 28, 2018










In other news Sammy has started clucking, a lot.  It's equal parts hilarious and adorable! Some highlights include

- Nana Picock!
-Thank you mama Picock!
-No JaJee Picock!

Wyatt and I aren't sure why he started doing it but I'm here for it!

Picock!

PS Also Danny and Sammy have started playing "pretend" and It's so fun. Usually they are at the airport on their way to see Nanny but recently it's been them going to school. It's all really cute.

ALSO- All last week I was walking on air! I wish I would have blogged about it at the moment! I blame being on my period for having lost the moment! Last week was a dream! I was happy all week long! I have so much to be happy for. I love my kids, I get to stay home MY MINIVAN my freaking amazing stroller the list goes on and on. I am so grateful for my kids and our cute little routines. Ah the library! Danny's karate class Mcdonalds on fridays I love it all! I am spoiled and I am LOVING EVERY MINUTE!

Wednesday, June 13, 2018












11 Months already! How? When? It's all a blur, but a cute, happy blur! Sweet Charlie!

*He's got crawling down! He crawls EVERYWHERE!
*loves the water, he loves swimming and just yesterday I took him to the splash pad and he loved it! It was his first time actually interacting with a splash pad and he crawled around all over with Sammy and would bust into laughing fits when the water would shoot out of the ground.
*loves his mama! This boy is a mama's boy for sure!
*loves his family. He loves everyone in the family really, he just radiates love!
*Is standing up! He will crawl up to a baby gate (which if you've been to my house you'll know we have them all over the place) and hold onto the bars and lift himself up. Afterwhich he will stand there and bend his knees and kind of dance in place.
*no steps taken yet... but it's close! Not cruising along furniture either. He crawls super fast though, it's kind of freaky!
* finds every tiny piece of trash in the house and tries to eat it.

Oh Charlie! We love you.

Charlie 10 Months








Awe Charlie! He makes my heart burst! 10 months flew by, 10 months of love and happiness! My heart is full thinking about how he giggles at the funny things his brothers do and intently watches them throughout the day. A few things of note around the 10 month mark...

*perfected the army crawl- this took a while, towards the beginning of the month he decided he wanted to give it a shot but mostly laid on his stomach in frustration while trying to move himself forward. Somewhere around the middle of the month it clicked and he could slowly make his way across the room, backwards. Then finally at the end of the month he picked up speed and was successfully making his way through the house forwards.
*So so so happy- I cannot tell you how many people have stopped me while I'm out and about to say "I have never seen a happier baby". Charlie gives everyone his best smile and being around him is a total mood lifter!
*Loves his brothers, he really really loves his brothers (every once in a while Sammy will sit on him while he's trying to crawl, he does not love this)
* waving- He has waved goodbye! Every night when we put Sammy and Danny down for bed. I hold Charlie over their head (while they are laying in bed) and in my best baby voice say "Good night! Good night! Good night!" and proceed to have him pretend to steal their blankets and pass gas (I know it sounds so weird, but Danny and Sammy live for it!). As I walk out of the room backwards I have Charlie wave "bye!" and say "we love you!" as of late, he has been waving by himself. I think I started doing this back in September when Wyatt was gone for a week at a PA conference. It was a way to put the kids to bed and leave them smiling rather than crying as I left the room. We've been doing it ever since. Charlie was a lot smaller then and less involved as newborns are... awe!
*We all love Charlie! He is the apple of our eye. Sammy calls him Ja-Ji and it's kind of stuck.

WE LOVE YOU CHARLIE!

Saturday, April 21, 2018

GLOW CRAZY

I had really wanted to throw a dance party for Danny for a long time now. It just sounded like so much fun. I kept thinking about how fun it would be to do a Black Light Stomp.  Wyatt was a champ for letting me do this. Throwing parties is expensive and a lot of work! 
The kids had a blast setting up  and for weeks we listened to the "playlist" so they'd be ready to jam out. Ah, the playlist, flashbacks of us driving around in the CRV listening to it. Oh they're cute kids. I'm glad we did this party it was so much fun. I am grateful for everyone who came! 



OUR PARTY PLAYLIST
Sandstorm
Hug Me
Who let the dogs out
Gangman Style
Dragostea Din Tei
What does the fox say?
Move your feet